Voldemort Likes His Ice Cream
by Didget
Summary: this is meant to be funny... Kindly read and review, would really like some helpful feed back on this story. Also i feel the need to point out that this is not a pairing story, so NOT Voldemort & Harry! togeher, ok? Warning mentions ice cream ; & is half and half a parody really.


**Title:**** Voldemort Likes His Ice Cream.**

**Author:**** Didget**

**Fandom:**** Harry Potter, actually set in Australia, at Manly. **

**Rating:**** K for slight creaminess **

**Pairing:**** Harry & Ginny, Hermione & Ron, Bellatrix & Voldemort, though this story, for once, isn't really about pairings.**

**Warning:**** Might frighten you so much, you will never again be able to eat ice cream or visit the beach. Second warning, I'm writing comedy… you have permission to duck and run for cover.**

**Authors Note:**** I do not own Harry Potter, if I did, it would be set in Australia not England. Thank you to The5000livi for the idea & Chae for reading over it. Yesh I know its slight AU and bends towards a parody but it taken a lot of work. There are mentions of Ancient Egypt; I'm assuming they'd discovered the wonders of ice cream, if they haven't, too bad. **

**Seriously please review, I do not usually write comedy of any sort, so I really have no idea how to sound funny... Yes I'll be quiet and let you read now.**

**Voldemort Likes His Ice Cream**

Harry was bored; it was far too warm in this strange place called Australia. The people, Muggles and Wizards alike, confused him. Sighing, he wished Hermione, Ron and Ginny would hurry up and get here.

Casting his eyes around the crowded street, he spotted an ice cream van pulling up to the beach. Deciding he was hungry, he walked through the crowd and came face to face with his arch-nemesis, Lord Voldemort.

"Well well well, look what we have here," murmured Voldemort, pale eyes fixed on Harry's face. "Potter wants some ice cream."

"What are you waiting for Potter, here have an ice cream," cackled Bellatrix madly, "you're hungry aren't you?"

"As a show of my good intensions, you can order first Potter. Go on, I'll even pay for you."

"No thank you," said Harry politely, he wasn't sure what to make of Voldemort's strange behaviour, "I'm fine waiting in line behind you."

"Oh so you're behind to Dark lord now, the Wizarding population would be very interested to know this," Malfoy sneered, his lip curling back in a grimace, "Where's your mudblood friend? Aren't you, all the Weasels and that Granger girl meant to be some sort of group?"

"Now now Lucius play nicely, we're all friends here," again Voldemort look deeply into Harry's eyes, "aren't we Potter?"

Harry hesitated; having Lord Voldemort look straight into his eyes scared him and was totally creepy… and so was the fact that Lestrange hadn't killed something yet. This was worrisome, he wished Hermione, Ron and Ginny were here.

"Potter by your thoughts, I'd say you don't like us very much," said Voldemort, "that's not very nice, it hurts our feelings."

"Yeah," chimed in Bellatrix, "Why are you being so mean, all we ever wanted was to be friends."

Harry couldn't stop himself at that, he snorted, "Please you've been trying to kill me for my entire life."

"No I was simply trying to help the world, with deep and misunderstood intentions," Voldemort looked at Harry again, "it is sad that even you, who is said to be the chosen one cannot look past our history and differences."

"Oh please, go mess with someone else's head," cried Harry, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration, "I've got ice cream to eat." After buying his ice cream, Harry quickly ran off.

**Some hours later at the beach… o_O …**

Harry was happily lying in the shade of a giant umbrella, with Ginny head on his lap. Their peaceful rest was disrupted by the arrival of Voldemort and several Death Eaters. Sleepy Harry watched Bellatrix gracefully swing down from the separating wall and walk straight towards them.

"Hello Hermione dear, haven't missed me too much, have we?" Bellatrix asked cruelly, a nasty smirk forming on her face.

"No!" Hermione said bravely, her voice a higher pitch than normal. "Now go away before I curse you!" Despite the nervousness in her voice, her wand arm was long and steady. Harry dimly wondered if Hermione and Bellatrix decided to have a dual; whether or not Voldemort, who was being so friendly, would kill Hermione. Before he could contemplate it any further, a stone wand suddenly appeared in his hand and turned into an ice cream, with a gold and blue swirl covering the cone.

"I've heard of these," said Ron in a hushed voice. "They're never ending, non-melting, ice creams from Ancient Egypt. I never thought I'd ever get to own one!" Ron voice was fading fast from amazed to greedy.

"Oh my god! This is sooo delicious!" Ginny exclaimed, through a mouthful of ice cream. "Come on Hermione, you've got to try this!" Hermione desperately looked between her never-ending ice cream and Bellatrix.

"Truce?" Bellatrix asked, "I want to eat my magic ice cream too much to fight."

"Umm… sure," Hermione started to eat, her face glowing after ever mouthful. Everyone happily ate their ice creams in companionable silence.

_In time the entire Wizarding population was united through the endless magic ice cream. Lord Voldemort stopped attempting to take over the world and the golden trio and friends lived the rest of their life in peace._

_**~THE END~**_


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